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[personal profile] snapes_mistress
File this one under the "Mind Your Own Damn Business" tag!

A friend of mine from back home, Christy, is having her second baby soon. She posted on Facebook asking if anyone knew where she could get a "Belly Bandit," which is apparently some kind of girdle/belt thing you can wear after giving birth to support your abdomen.

I replied jokingly that "Belly Bandit" sounded like some guy was gonna show up in a Zorro mask and steal her baby-fat away. This somehow turned into my friend, me, and my mom joking about how I should have kids with Liam, so we could raise them in England and my mom could have grandbabies with cute British accents.

My mother has NEVER pressured me into marriage or kids. She always told me to do the opposite... go to college, become able to take care of myself, travel, see the world, live my life before thinking about having kids. I know the whole thing about babies with British accents was just a joke. So I replied that I'd happily start shooting out kids, if anyone wanted to support us all financially. Til then, no way. LOLs all around from the three of us.

Today when I checked my Facebook, some random woman on Christy's friend list, whom I have never met in my life, sent me a long-ass message basically telling me I should go ahead and have as many kids as I want, and not worry about being able to support them financially; if I didn't have the money, it doesn't matter... because the Lord will provide!

Seriously? Who sends this kind of message to a complete stranger, based on a few facetious Facebook comments?

Tara, I don't know you or your situation, so if you think I'm out of line here, go ahead and tell me. I promise not to be offended! :):)

I'm a friend of Christy's, the one who asked for you to tell me if you find a belly bandit that steals belly fat. :D:D

As I said, I don't know you're situation, but I wanted to answer the comment you made about not being able to afford babies. I sooo know the feeling! I've had ten, the first six of whom we paid for out of pocket because we had no maternity insurance. (After that, we moved to Canada, where babies are paid for by taxpayers as part of socialized medicine). During that time, my husband has had a variety of jobs, none of which really paid well. I never worked outside the home since getting pregnant with our first, although I now deliver papers in the morning. We also had a lot of debt during the time we had those first six since we both had college loans to pay off. Many times it seemed as though we would never see the light of day financially.

Things have often been tough, and there were a few times when we moved in with my parents between moves to help save on rent while getting things together for moving. Once we stayed several months in a suite of rooms in the school building where my husband was maintenance man/janitor because we were moving sooner than the six-month lease our landlord wanted us to sign, and we had to be out of the apartment before we were ready to move.

We've had times when we wondered where the next meal was coming, but we never actually went without that next meal. The Lord always provided, sometimes in amazing ways. We've had money left in our mailbox anonymously. One summer we had a woman ask if she could sell vegetables in our front yard, which was in a prime location on a crossroads. She paid us $10 a day, plus more veggies than we could eat fresh, which I canned, and which lasted a good part of the winter. We've had our tax return not come on time (when we didn't need it and would have spent it on other stuff) but came late (when we really needed it because the car broke down).

Right now my husband pastors a very small church which is not able to support us the way they'd like to. Yet even here, he has not had to get an outside job like so many pastors do. At least half our groceries are donated by one of our deacons, a single man who says God laid it on his heart to do this for us. Sometimes, when things were tough for him financially, we've told him to stop, but he refused. He sometimes scaled back, but he never stopped. His wife, who died of cancer about 15 years ago, was never able to have children, so he has sort of adopted us as his family.

I could go on and on. I just want you to know that if you set your heart to have children (which God calls blessings from the Lord), God will never leave you in the lurch as you trust in him. He promises to provide all our needs, and even some of our wants. He says that as long as we trust in Him, He will never let us go hungry, and we won't have to go begging, either. His promises have never failed us, not ever. Our ten children are healthy and strong, and have plenty to eat and to wear.

Since we couldn't afford all the things our children wanted (like ipods, computer stuff, brand-new bikes--we've had lots of used bikes given to us--and other things that a lot of kids in wealthier families seem to take for granted), they learned to work and earn the money to buy those things themselves. They've babysat, mowed lawns, shoveled snow, delivered papers, baked and sold bread, gathered old appliances and misc. metal junk to sell for scrap, cleaned houses and a doctor's office, held a yard sale, and sold wood to campers at local campground.

You really CAN afford children when you trust the Lord to supply your needs.

Just my thoughts based on experience.

Cathy Newton

Really? REALLY? That is just so friggin' weird... I don't know this woman at all. She knows absolutely nothing about me, except that I'm Christy's friend. My Facebook profile doesn't show any information to anyone not on my friends list. Why the hell would you send a complete stranger such a message?

I guess maybe she thinks she is doing her Christian duty? With 10 kids, maybe she believes in that Quiverfull thing, where Christians don't use birth control, so they can have a ton of kids so as to put more Christians in the world?

I haven't replied yet. I wonder if I should tell her the truth... that I'm an atheist, and think all her talk of "the Lord providing" sounds childish and silly. That I think having kids you can't support is a really selfish, stupid thing to do. That I have no desire to be a drain on society that way. That I grew up really poor, and the Lord never miraculously showed up when my mom couldn't afford to feed us or take us to the doctor. That growing up poor SUCKS, and I have always promised to never willingly inflict that on my own kids. That I think it is totally out of line to message a random stranger on Facebook and suggest they have kids they cannot afford. That her sending me such a message really creeped me out.

I guess I should be nice, and just send a polite "thanks, but no thanks" type response? Or should I just totally ignore it?

The whole thing is so weird!!! What say ye, LJ peeps?
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January 2012

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